I don't know if I should be thinking of this as the first day of my vacation or no. Its a Saturday for one thing. For another thing I'll likely have to go into work some time next week. But the truth is yesterday was the last day of work. I had it in mind when I played video games until I was sick last night. I had it on my mind when I woke up this morning and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed.
But again...that might just be because it's Saturday.
I think the topper is the fact that I'm constantly reminded that its the holidays. That makes it real. The music is all over the radio, the ads are all over the TV, and there's the constant sound of firecrackers in the neighborhood that are liable to drive both the dog and I absolutely batshit. It is unmistakeably, unavoidably Christmas time. Free time. And for me...alone time. Just what I wanted all year round. Right?
I should have been travelling by now. I should have either been on a plane or somewhere waiting for a plane. I should have ben with the woman i love. instead i'll be...somewhere. I don't know yet. I'll think of something though. I'll go mad if I spend Christmas in a house on my own. i'll die if I do the same for New Years. Maybe I can convince someone to go on a road trip with me. Maybe I can go to Mexico or Guatemala. After a dozen trips, I'm still not fed up with Chetumal yet. And I've never been to Flores.
Flores sounds nice. Merri would want me to go.
With my mind, I'd do better not to speculate about why I'm spending the holidays by myself. My doubt and insecurity can only do me harm. But lets consider this: People say you can't help who you fall in love with. I disagree. You can help it. You can resist. You can even ignore the fact that such a thing as love even exists. When we do fall in love, or more accurately, when we do the things that people who are in love do, we do so by choice. And we do so knowing that we are taking a huge risk. That we'll get our hearts broken. That we'll make fools of ourselves. That the other person isn't as honest, as sweet, as kind and wonderful as you've percieved them as. But you take that risk because you love them. And loving them makes you feel as if you're being loved. Even if it turns out you're only fooling yourself.
And its worth it. Its always worth it. How wonderful it is to play the fool. How wonderful it is to pretend you're still by my side, and i by yours, and that nothing; not time or space or the influences of other hearts around you can even begin to touch that. Afterall, there's no such thing as far away.
But again...that might just be because it's Saturday.
I think the topper is the fact that I'm constantly reminded that its the holidays. That makes it real. The music is all over the radio, the ads are all over the TV, and there's the constant sound of firecrackers in the neighborhood that are liable to drive both the dog and I absolutely batshit. It is unmistakeably, unavoidably Christmas time. Free time. And for me...alone time. Just what I wanted all year round. Right?
I should have been travelling by now. I should have either been on a plane or somewhere waiting for a plane. I should have ben with the woman i love. instead i'll be...somewhere. I don't know yet. I'll think of something though. I'll go mad if I spend Christmas in a house on my own. i'll die if I do the same for New Years. Maybe I can convince someone to go on a road trip with me. Maybe I can go to Mexico or Guatemala. After a dozen trips, I'm still not fed up with Chetumal yet. And I've never been to Flores.
Flores sounds nice. Merri would want me to go.
With my mind, I'd do better not to speculate about why I'm spending the holidays by myself. My doubt and insecurity can only do me harm. But lets consider this: People say you can't help who you fall in love with. I disagree. You can help it. You can resist. You can even ignore the fact that such a thing as love even exists. When we do fall in love, or more accurately, when we do the things that people who are in love do, we do so by choice. And we do so knowing that we are taking a huge risk. That we'll get our hearts broken. That we'll make fools of ourselves. That the other person isn't as honest, as sweet, as kind and wonderful as you've percieved them as. But you take that risk because you love them. And loving them makes you feel as if you're being loved. Even if it turns out you're only fooling yourself.
And its worth it. Its always worth it. How wonderful it is to play the fool. How wonderful it is to pretend you're still by my side, and i by yours, and that nothing; not time or space or the influences of other hearts around you can even begin to touch that. Afterall, there's no such thing as far away.
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