Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts

Monday, May 27, 2013

Life (and that other thing)

It’s funny how life (and that other thing) works out.  Just a few weeks ago I felt like I was going through a major emotional crisis.  I didn't know how I was going to survive another year without going back to Belize.  I was over my head with homesickness and with being in a situation where I had given up any minor level of control, authority, and social and financial security I had in my life to put myself in the role of the student.  I’d done all of this willingly, mind you, and put myself into exile, far from home and yet tortuously close in Trinidad.  I wanted, I suppose, to know how Dante felt, exiled from home and only having his writing as consolation.  But Dante didn't have facebook; he didn't have to watch the life he left behind go on without him; see all the things he was missing.  And what it freely amounts to is that I’m not half the man that Dante Alighieri was.  I think of myself moping then and I’m a little bit disgusted at what a little boy I was being, crying for home and its comforts but too pitiful to even actually cry.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I’m still just a little boy who doesn't know how to react to the news of his grandmother dying.  At least not outside my own head.  Inside my head there was a full scenario being played out, as there usually is.  The entire family would be present, except for me, and I would show up a year or so later, wandering a cemetery and completely unable to find her grave because I’ll simply have no clue where it might be, because I wasn't there to lower her into it.  Perhaps one of the simplest and most profound acts of respect a person can show another person: To bear the burden of their discarded body, to treat it properly and see that it is taken care of, to place it finally in a safe place, and to mark the spot and perhaps visit every now and again.  And I.  Wouldn't.  Be.  There.

Other scenarios played themselves out as well, including a visit from Mama in my dreams, just as she had done when I was smaller.  Only instead of stabbing me in the back of the neck with a hypodermic needle, she would be nice.  We would sit and chat; she in Spanish and I in English, and she would laugh and slap her thighs the way I never remember seeing her do.  But I can imagine it the same way I've always imagined the few moments before and after the image of her and her husband standing in front of the frame of what would soon be their home and the home of their eight children.  The picture that has hung on the living room wall for as long as there was a wall in the living room.  The one with the man with the same rakish mustache I have now standing next to a pretty young girl with a young girl’s unfiltered smile.

A scenario that hadn't occurred to me was there suddenly, miraculously being a plane ticket with my name on it, final destination: Belize.  And yet, here I am, writing from that concretely ambiguous location of the Miami airport.  The ticket wasn't miraculous exactly.  It hadn't appeared out of thin air.  My mother and I travel frequently and she happened to have enough air miles to get me where I needed to be.  It’s the getting back that’ll be the problem.  Money for that will come out of something; a credit card payment or my yet-to-be-paid tuition.  But there’s no point in worrying about that now.  The old two-way door is swinging, better for me to concentrate on making the most of it.

Mostly, I had given up on going to Belize because my reasons for going all seemed sop self serving and ultimately superfluous.  I was seeking the pleasure of old comforts and experiences, old friends, old lovers.  I told myself that I had practical reasons; I needed to lay down the groundwork for a career once I finished with school.  This is still true, but it wasn't the foremost thought on my mind.   I’d also decided that I would be foisting myself on my family, an act which I probably shouldn't rush into until the end of my third year, when I didn't have any other choice.  Now, instead of taking advantage of my family I’ll be required to fulfill my responsibility to them.  I've absolved my guilt through terrible circumstances.  The guilt is inescapable.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

An argument with myself

Upon writing a poem that I'm still not brave enough to let the world know about.

Do I have to insert morality?  Whats the purpose of this exactly?

Its just a fantasy.  Nothing wrong with that.


But what does that say about me?

It says you have a penis and it talks to you.


Is it my penis that's been writing poetry all this while?

Your penis is a dick.  You're just the kind of guy that'll lend a caring ear to just about anyone.  Even if that someone is a dick.


Sunday, April 4, 2010

A gate of ivory, A gate of horn

Once, back when Merri was still here, back when we regularly shared the same bed, I had a dream.

In my dream I was in the most perfect place.  A paradise I could hardly recognize.  And it was the perfect day.  I was leaving a tiny room through a plain wooden door and I stepped outside to greet the rising sun ambling skyward, steaming as it rose from the sea.  I dipped my toes in the sand, considered the hues of color in the sky for a moment, and began walking.  I still don't know where I was going, but I was alone.  And I wanted to find...someone.  Anyone to share this day with.  I was walking to her.

I didn't know who she was or what she looked like, but I did know who she wasn't.  She wasn't Merri.  This was an odd brand of guilt.  One flavored by elation, excitement and disappointment.  Not disappointment for my behavior or actions.  But...for being allowed to behave this way.  That doesn't really explain it.  I don't know if I can explain it.  For that matter I don't know if I should.  It was just a dream.

But after i'd stepped out into the perfect day and went out looking for her, I didn't really get very far since...she was already on her way to find me.

On her way to find me.

You might be thinking 'Okay, this is where things get hot and steamy.  He's gonna talk about breasts and penises now.'  Its not.  Sorry to disappoint.  We just sat, once we'd found one another.  Sat and chatted a bit, but I was still buzzing with the idea that she was looking for me!  The elation I was feeling in my dream-heart just talking to her was just as good as infidelity.

Especially considering the fact that every time I turned to look over my shoulder I would see Merri.  Sitting there.  Looking blankly, though not at me.  Never at me.  I'd call her name but she wouldn't respond.  We'd go on chatting, me and she, and every so often I'd look back at Merri to find...she wasn't all that concerned.  So...I thought...what else could we do?  Right here?  In front of Merri?

When I woke up she was on the far side of the bed and for the first time...first of many...our backs were turned.  I should have paid attention to this.  I should have paid attention to a lot of things.  But sometimes...you're so desperate to hold on to the good things, that you let the bad ones slide. 

Anyway, I was wracked with guilt.  I turned and pulled her to me, kissing her firmly awake.  I didn't tell her about the dream.  It was just a dream.

Just a dream.

***

That was ages ago.  Don't even remember the date.  But today...today I had the most wonderful day.  I haven't seen Merri in a year.  I haven't spoken to her in months.  People ask me about her.  I smile and give them old information.  I think about her constantly.

This morning I showered, and got dressed, in the bathroom of the tiny Hotel room Sean and I are sharing for the weekend.  I stepped through the green wooden door and onto the 'lawn' of the hotel, which is all sea sand.  The sun was already up.  The waves were sparkling under it.  A cool wind blew at me from nearly all directions.

I did go looking for her.  I'm loathe to admit it.  I feel so guilty.  In fact, i felt pretty dumb since she wasn't looking for me.  She wasn't even awake yet.

But she did wake up earlier.  And she had been looking for me.  Or at least she seemed to be.  She tends to talk in her sleep.  It might have been real.  It might have been just a dream.


The in-betweens

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