So...last night was interesting. Very educational. Very revealing. I may have made an ass of myself. That's nothing new. I think I admitted something I shouldn't have. Something that was pretty obvious for the world to see but should have simply gone unsaid. At least I think so.
I think so. I don't know so, and I'm still not entirely convinced, that is, that I believe so. The tension is out in the air now. It may not have been the ideal method, but its out there. I've admitted to Her that.... Anyway, its out there. So why is it so difficult to move forward from that? Cuz I'm a big fat scaredy cat, that's why. Its a bit cliche, perhaps, but I have the feeling that this might change everything. We won't feel as comfortable talking about the stupid shit that we usually do. We'll perhaps take one another a little too seriously. Feelings. That's what's on the line here. That's what's bound to get hurt.
So i tried bringing it up. Online. Not my favorite method. God knows I know better than to try and express myself in live text chat. Something like this needs to be communicated face to face. Completely with pauses that aren't simply from 'Got up to get a glass of water'. Complete with information that can be expressed only in glances, and in faces. Faces that don't consist of a colon or semi-colon, that is. And...perhaps culminating in some wordless expression. Something physical. Maybe a...
She laughed it off mostly. Changed the subject. Then went off-line for a couple hours. Should I try it again? Should I push the issue? Should i ask for face-time instead?
Should I even be pursuing this?
I'd already decided not to. I'd already decided that whatever this is had met its ending. But...what if there's a chance? I'd been doing some thinking and...I have to do a bit more. I have to give a name to this. Does my physical attraction outweigh my personal connection to Her? Do I want to touch her skin and feel her warmth? Or do I want to be the one that makes her warm? Am I okay with just doing the latter, like i do now? If I eat this cake, will I be full? And for how long?
I think so. I don't know so, and I'm still not entirely convinced, that is, that I believe so. The tension is out in the air now. It may not have been the ideal method, but its out there. I've admitted to Her that.... Anyway, its out there. So why is it so difficult to move forward from that? Cuz I'm a big fat scaredy cat, that's why. Its a bit cliche, perhaps, but I have the feeling that this might change everything. We won't feel as comfortable talking about the stupid shit that we usually do. We'll perhaps take one another a little too seriously. Feelings. That's what's on the line here. That's what's bound to get hurt.
So i tried bringing it up. Online. Not my favorite method. God knows I know better than to try and express myself in live text chat. Something like this needs to be communicated face to face. Completely with pauses that aren't simply from 'Got up to get a glass of water'. Complete with information that can be expressed only in glances, and in faces. Faces that don't consist of a colon or semi-colon, that is. And...perhaps culminating in some wordless expression. Something physical. Maybe a...
She laughed it off mostly. Changed the subject. Then went off-line for a couple hours. Should I try it again? Should I push the issue? Should i ask for face-time instead?
Should I even be pursuing this?
I'd already decided not to. I'd already decided that whatever this is had met its ending. But...what if there's a chance? I'd been doing some thinking and...I have to do a bit more. I have to give a name to this. Does my physical attraction outweigh my personal connection to Her? Do I want to touch her skin and feel her warmth? Or do I want to be the one that makes her warm? Am I okay with just doing the latter, like i do now? If I eat this cake, will I be full? And for how long?
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