Wednesday, February 10, 2010

On crying at work, and other things.

I've been telling everybody I can about my nightmare last night. How I opened my eyes and found myself paralyzed and frightened. I tell them about how It made me angry. How i got up and, with stiff arms and legs tried to walk out of the room to get a glass of water. But then I tripped, and floated in air, changing positions, until I was right back in bed where I'd started.

Only, That's not where the dream ends. What I haven't told anyone is...I called out. Moaned weakly, but it was supposed to be a scream. Only no one answered. There wasn't even anyone there to hear me.

And that's when i woke up.

My supervisor just came in to give me my second talking to for the day. It was the usual turnaround. I nodded and smiled and shrugged and said things like "Yeah, I understand." and "I'll try to do better." She mentioned that I seemed disinterested in the job, like I didn't want to come to work and I jokingly thought 'Oh no, you've caught me.' And then she mentioned loneliness. And then she mentioned disappointment. And she mentioned having no one to turn to, because all m y friends that I once relied upon for support were alcoholics or smokers or womanizers.

And that's when I truly thought. "Oh Jesus. She's caught me." I sat down. And I lasted a good five more minutes before i started to cry.

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The in-betweens

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