So I was at the bank the other day. I won't say which bank except that it was the bank with that one teller who looks like a fish? Yes, that one. And as I stood there I kept thinking 'My Goodness. She really does look like a fish. There's no hope for her. No hope at all.
'Is she still a virgin? Even if she isn't she probably qualifies for regaining the status. That's why she's always frowning, I bet. Like a grouper. Grouper frown.
'Who could lover her? Who would fill her to the gills with passion? Who caresses her operculum at night? Strokes her pectoral fins? Makes her flap and gasp with delight?
'Maybe they are soft fish lips. Lips like lulling waves. Except--oh god, she has fish teeth too. Perhaps she makes up for it by being slippery like a fish too. (Nudge-nudge, Wink-wink, Know what I mean?) Perhaps she makes up for it with those breasts. Yes, that's got to be it. Those massive breast s. With their flattened nipples. Their areolas (areoli? areolae) the size of dinner plates, surrounded by a hedge of thick, curly hairs.'
But it wasn't until the thought of hairs led to the thought of her briar patch bush and the tiny ecosystem that probably existed there that I audibly made a 'hoark!' sound and had to beg pardon, smiling politely.
True story.
But now, I'm sitting at the bus stationstaring occasionally glancing at a girl who would look just like the fish girl, if the fish girl lost about forty pounds. And had more pronounced cheek bones. And better skin. Less round eyes. Longer hair, and more of it.
Y'know, I was gonna go along on some whiny, self examining jag because I thought I was losing some of my fundamental 'nice-guy-ness' by not being in the least bit attracted to the fish girl. But the truth is, ugly people do exist. And they're out there.
And they're gonna GETCHYA!
'Is she still a virgin? Even if she isn't she probably qualifies for regaining the status. That's why she's always frowning, I bet. Like a grouper. Grouper frown.
'Who could lover her? Who would fill her to the gills with passion? Who caresses her operculum at night? Strokes her pectoral fins? Makes her flap and gasp with delight?
'Maybe they are soft fish lips. Lips like lulling waves. Except--oh god, she has fish teeth too. Perhaps she makes up for it by being slippery like a fish too. (Nudge-nudge, Wink-wink, Know what I mean?) Perhaps she makes up for it with those breasts. Yes, that's got to be it. Those massive breast s. With their flattened nipples. Their areolas (areoli? areolae) the size of dinner plates, surrounded by a hedge of thick, curly hairs.'
But it wasn't until the thought of hairs led to the thought of her briar patch bush and the tiny ecosystem that probably existed there that I audibly made a 'hoark!' sound and had to beg pardon, smiling politely.
True story.
But now, I'm sitting at the bus station
Y'know, I was gonna go along on some whiny, self examining jag because I thought I was losing some of my fundamental 'nice-guy-ness' by not being in the least bit attracted to the fish girl. But the truth is, ugly people do exist. And they're out there.
And they're gonna GETCHYA!
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